the splendor of the king, clothed in majesty

On 29th Oct 2005
My birthday fall on this day, this special day that the Lord has created me for his purpose 25 years ago. As I looked back and reflect on my life, I can only say that I am amazed by the Lord, humbled by his grace, so privilege to be love by his unconditional and unfailing love, his plan has never contradict himself, his forgiveness on the cross that I can come before the Lord, to know him more each day. I realized that how bless I am, seeing the Lord being the one who sustain me all this while, when tough time come and hit me hard, his love never fail, indeed his love endures forever!

What a fruitful birthday I ever had! In the morning, I met up with Edward, a new believer from church and a keen learner, wanting to learn more about God’s word. Seeing him reading the book of John and asking me questions really warm my heart, seeing him so ever willing to learn the word of God make me feel that I have started the day at the right track.
After which, went with my mum to eat bak ku teh. Really feel happy to see that my mum bought me a card with the kind, when you open up, the birthday card will sing to you, “Happy birthday to you.” I was like happy and amazed by my mum being cute, hehe… even at her age. Creative man!!!

At 2pm, met up with my year 2 SP students and study the bible together, I expect them to celebrate my birthday with me, but I was shocked after singing the birthday song, each one of them gives me a present. I was like speechless and honor, felt very blessed and love by them. I was almost going to tears!

I love the following gifts a lot.
A card with simple words, a poster with a baby which say, you make me feel special in this world, a box of chocolate, a music CD, a card with word with a pen, I think I love the last one the most, a simple Soya egg tart and a cup of Milo with the agenda of which sacrificing from his own. You guys know who you are. I really appreciate of you guys and your gifts, it meant differently for me!!! My secret desire which you guys really want to know. Let me tell you all here!

My secret desire is to see you guys to be man after God’s heart, to stand firm in the Lord, that your faith will be known everywhere like the people of Thessalonians, that your love for God and his people ever increasing¸ remember that you can never out love God and you can share the hope in Jesus Christ to the people around you.

At night, spend most of my time having dinner with one of my best friend. As we share with each other, updating each other what is happening in our life, really encourage and really enjoy the time we can share our heart out, seeing where the Lord is working in our own lives. And guess what, both of us agree by kneeing down, it really humble oneself, totally in awe of God.

I remember one Friday night, when I have bible study, doing the book of Ephesians in church, I remember clearly that my pastor lead the people who attend the bible study on their knees to bow down before the Lord, before the CROSS! When I looked at the scene, I was like … in awe, looking at people, young and old, coming together as one body to fix our eyes on Jesus, what a powerful testimony and scene! Seeing the Lord himself being exalted, seeing the glory of the Lord in the presence of many man. It just keeps me humble and quiet before the Lord, only to thank God for who he is! Only HE has the power to make people of different ages, tongues and tribes to worship him and exalted him!

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10

If I tell you that within a few months, what can the Lord do to you, just to make you listen to him? Will you believe?

In short, I was accepted on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ! My heart for my family has been challenged, not once, but twice! Willing to trust God when there is no HOPE!!! Many things to clear, many things need to do, many assignments need to work on, each day my level of commitment is growing, higher and deeper, to-do list seems to grow no matter how much work I have done.

But each new day, as your glory reveals, your mercies are fresh each new day, a new hope that I can have, there is always to look for when my eyes are open and knowing that I am still breathing. Thru these few months, I have to learn to trust the Lord for the most impossible things in life, the toughest days that I ever have thus far, to see my emotions being up and down so fast that I do not have time to react. My heart is very weak, so weak that I almost give up on hope that I wept like I never could imagine that I have wept so much and the only thing was to pray and trust in His sovereignty.

As you read, pls pause and pray for me and my family, love is being shown in the family. Walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and total reverence and awe in the Lord.

O Lord, where are you leading me to? Where is the promised land that you have set before me? When will I go? And when will I be ready? My heart is waiting for you, O Lord, if you will, speak to your servant.

Very soon, I will pass the 25 years of my life, but what have I done that have last? Or should I say what have the Lord has done in my life that has impact my life?

is it hard to sing praise to the Lord?

in the morning, got the chance to hear from John Piper. he talk on five points:
Gospel, Lossness, Conversion, People and Teaching. the way he expound from the word of God, allow me to be People of the mission, Captivated by God! Called to the world. i was more than convinced by the word of God to know the Lord's heartbeat in my life!

Heavenly Father, you have taught me a lot, you have surface a lot of issues about my life. Lord, i am just so amazes that Your love and grace is sufficient for me, it is more than enough! Lord, why are you revealing so much about me? so many pains and hurts that i used to face in the past, why have you rake up the past? have you totally forgotten about me? why have my Lord whom i love forsaken me? why O Lord, answer me?!

Lord O Lord, are you not over my life? what do you want me to learn from all this issue in life? what do you want me to walk away? what are the lessons that you want me to learn? teach me O Lord, if i do not want to learn, make and disciple me to learn no matter how hard it may seem. will you Lord take this life that belong to you, to use it as you please, i surrender all to you, Jesus. this is my commitment to you, where you want me to go, i will follow, Lord there's no turning back!

Lord, today i have realised that i am not ready to left my home to the place you have in mind for me, prepare my heart, prepare my mind, prepare my soul O Lord, i know it is your call in my life. i know the decision in the coming future that i may make is a painful but i am willing to take the risk and believe that you have all planned out for me. i need to trust in You all the way for your way are higher than my ways so are your thoughts.

Lord, i desperate for you!!! i want to go where you are going, not where i want to go, for without you, then it is meaningless!

i wonder am i able to sing praise to the Lord? look at the following song, then you will know:

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Oh, There's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

mindset being challenge!

here i am in Colorado State of University, writing this part of the blog. can you believe? in just a short few days, my mind is being challenged again and again. to think of how my life have been, revealed by the Lord Almighty, to desire more of him each day.

in just a short few days in CSU, learning more about what is movement building from Steve Douglass personally. after hearing from him, i am excited about it!!! cant wait to go back to Singapore and do things differently, hehe... but no, i cant, still need to learn more from US ministry.

each new day, able to know more about the Lord thru reading Daniel, looking at my own life, and seeing that the Lord have been speaking to me thru his word, so clearly, so strong, that it changes my thoughts, my mindsets about my life and my ministry.

O Lord, how this trip changes my life thus far? when i look at the Rocky mountain, i felt that i am so small, so little, so insignificant, but i realised that it is not all about me, it is all about God! it is all about his awesomeness, his majesty and his wonders! how can one look at the Rocky mountain, and not believe that there is a God! how can it be O Lord?

Lord, teach me all of your ways, let me learn more about you each day, to go where you want me to go, without you O Lord, i do not want to do anything on my own. for my life does not belong to me, but it's all about you.

pray for me dear friends who are reading this, that i will be clear about my future direction, where he is leading me, my heart will fix on the Lord no matter what happen. somehow, i want to know and be sure about the Lord's leading and guiding. it is all about the Lord's ministry and not my own.

to conclude that is reminding my mind constantly.
"but whatever was to my profit i now consider loss for the sake of Christ. what is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Hesus my Lord, for whose sake i have lost all things. i consider them rubbish, that i may gain Christ and be found in him, bnot having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."
Philippians 3:7-9

Busy but fruitful week.

For the whole week, I went to youth camp, doing ministry and attending Go Forth conference. For ministry, I was grateful, out of ten guys who agree for bible study in two sessions, seven came! Thank God. On Wednesday, NYP have a welcome tea which allow students to come and vision being cast, the vision is to use their lives to impact other lives and how will they be more effective in campus as both a student and a Christian. =). Pray for effective follow up and strength, wisdom and relying on the Holy Spirit.

For the youth camp, Service in Unity is the theme, realized that the youth are all fire up for the Lord, hope that their fire will not just last a moment, but rather a lifetime. Pray for them as you read this session. Thank you.

As for the Go Forth conference, this is what I have learnt.
Each day, as I have realized that my heart and my life, does it belong to me? What have I learnt? What is my stand? Where is my passion? What is my life for? What the Lord has burden me? What are my struggles? Is mission really my heartbeat?

As a matter of fact, I have learnt a lot from the speakers. So much that I do not know where to start. Do I use God to fulfill my own agenda? Or God is using me to fulfill his agenda in my life?
Talk about mission is cheap but the action behind it is hard and tough; a price to pay. Can I have the absolute surrender to God? Can I really give the Lord all my life for the sake of the gospel? What is holding me back?

In time to come, will I go to Doulos ship? Got for study? Or stay on with campus crusade? A challenging time and to seek the Lord!!! =).

Which choice does the Lord wants me to do? Which one will honor the Lord and give Him all the glory to Him? Crossroad! I have a plan, but what does the Lord has for me? I just wonder. O Lord be thou my vision! Without you, I will not go anywhere, anyhow, anytime. I want You to be in the center of the picture and my life!

Tenth day in Philippines

If a house with love is not being build, then it is in vain! Teach a man to build his foundation on God's word and he will build a house of love!

Father in heaven, my heart just felt great, but at the same time, I feel it hard to pack my feelings before returning to Singapore tomorrow. Did the usual operation. Build of the house. Without foundation, a house that is build can’t last! Unless the Lord builds the house, its laborers labor in vain, teach a man to build his foundations on God’s word and be accurate in God’s word. Lord I know that I work hard is not because of man, to let them see how good I am but for Jesus who is high above all other names. Thank you Lord for the opportunity and time spend with the local. Really enjoy ourselves through the whole trip. As we build the house, doing the touching up of the house, I realized that I can’t bear to leave Philippines. I believe that we have so much fun together towards the appreciation of the house. But what really warms my heart, it is genuine friendship that we have share with them. To me O lord, it is a time of enjoying you, the people there and most of all, knowing you more each day as I learn from your people, the culture the humble background of their, the food, the love that Is being shown by the people. Thank you Lord!

Ninth day in Philippines

Thank you O Lord for the safety that you have seen us through the day. Lord, my heart just felt encourages and warms to know so much more about you. This morning went to work site, feeling that should be giving our best to the Lord in building the house with love. Lord, today even though we did some shoving and build on the beam, the so-called pillar of the ground for level 2. first you must add water to surrounding of the beams than pour in the cement, so that the cement is not dry and therefore hold onto the cement well enough. Lord, thank for allowing us to be a part of this blessing to Philippines and part of your plan! Teach me more of you and less of me. Amen.

Eighth day in Philippines

This morning, we went to the Mayor office to have a talk with her. For me, I guess I was surprised that she is willing to see us and to talk to us. Today went back to worksite, wishing Angelica, one of the local we knew, Happy Birthday, gave her a card as well. Really encourage and appreciate by the locals, giving us so much food, like one after the other. To me, it was great to be in a city like this, or should I say community. O Lord thank you for being so gracious to me that I am able to learn from you each day. my heart just warms by you OI Lord. Today when I asked Lyn, one of the girls and her mum this question, do you want a simple life ort a wealthy life, it shook me when they both agree to be in a simple people living in this environment., Lord thank you O Lord for humbling me in the process of knowing the locals. Lord, I was challenged by you, God Almighty to see that your servant, Lyn’s mum is living in the slump area. She has modeled for me a good example of sacrifice, giving the best to other villagers instead of her own family first. She has a giving heart to her people even though Lyn want a house badly. At last O Lord, the house is halfway there knowing that you are always in control of all things. Lord, take my life and let it be. Unity is strength. Praise the Lord Almighty.

Seventh day in Philippines

We had a great time together as a team, building the wall upwards. It just warms my heart to see it coming all well. Lord thank you for your grace then we can come before you O Lord. We are able to lay the cement on the ground as well. It just taught me the importance of unity. I have the chance to lay a brick on the wall. I realized that each brick must be laid correctly and as accurate, if not the wall will fall down. I guess this is something that I have learnt for the day. Lord, let me be accurate when handling your word O Lord. I surrender all to you O Lord. Allow me to be wise and in awe of you for there is no one else beside you Lord. Teach me to be humble and teachable. Thank you Father for showing yourself to me through this trip! Praise you O Lord, that your ways are higher than mine. Lord, I thank for the local to be friendly to us, so kind hearted of them to provide food and drinks for us. And even let us to know them better. I really appreciate the simple life in You O Lord. Lord thank you for giving me this opportunity to do something for the local. Amen.

Sixth day in Philippines

Thank you O Lord, for even a non-believer asking hard question about you. Lord, I am just amazes that a non-believer so earnestly seeking after you. It just put me to shame O Lord. But I thank you for allowing me to see my weakness. That I am worth nothing in the presence of the Lord. Lord, build my faith in the foundation in your word. Let me build strongly in your word O Lord. Let me not compromise you.

Did not really did much today as it is raining in the afternoon but got the opportunity to know the girls from the place that we are building the house. O Lord, let it be a house of prayer! Let it be build on love!

Fifth day in Philippines

O Lord I believe that you are working in each of us O Lord! I praise you Lord for being so personal to each of us! Your love never stops to cease O Lord. Today, went to a church at Old Capital, I was touched and ministered by a short time of worship. A simple setting and I was sweating like a running tap, but my heart is totally focusing on the Lord. I just wept O Lord, I do not know but I believe that you are in control of everything O Lord. Lord, thank you for giving me the burden for Philippines. I know that only you can change my heart. O Lord, I was touched by the Holy Spirit, thank you for being so personal. Lord, I saw four kids, they are Ricardo, Neno, Cristian and Dindo. Lord, surrender these four kids to you O Lord, continue to let them just grow in the knowledge of You, O Lord. I give you praise you O Lord, for you are my righteousness. I went to another church for a time of skit and songs. O Lord, I guess my perspective of life is different! Especially when to the dumpsite, Lord, I was just humbled by the lifestyle of the people, where they live; I don’t think anyone in Singapore wants to live in the lifestyle, a place where stink and smell so much that I cant hardly take it anymore. But when I think about when they are running around without thinking much. They are too used to it but I believe that they have their self pride and proud. Lord, I just humbled when I see them enjoying the time together, having the time to fly a kite, up into the sky, so carefree and touching scene. Lord, can I take this kind if lifestyle? Can I live in this kind of environment that I do not go after other people expectations but only after what you expect to of me O Lord? Lord, I have realized how glad I am, knowing that I am brought up in Singapore. Lord I was speechless to see that you love both the Jews and the Gentiles, even though I do not know your will for their lives, to see them suffering living in an environment that is not fit for any right mind of human being. I really share the thought that you are the One that I am focusing on, knowing that your ways are higher than my ways. Lord, I saw that how a young girl in the dumpsite so happy just receiving a sweet, she can just hop, run around and can see the pure joy on her smile. Lord, if she came to know you personally, what will her respond be? Lord you continue to draw all man to yourself, send missionary organization or churches to go there and preach the word of God. Lord, I commit Ever to you, a guy who having driving us around from Las Pinas to Care Center and back. Lord we know that he is tired but choose to honor you in the little that he can do for us. Lord allows him to be a man after your own heart, a pastor-to-be, grant him wisdom and strength in doing his learning as well. As he shepherd his church, Lord you guard his heart O Lord. Let his heart be pure and holy to give off your best for him. Give him a vision to allow him to reach our not only to his community but to his country and beyond. O Lord, grant this servant of yours a humble heart and to live the abounding life-ever flowing of joy, hope and love from you O Lord!

For me, to live is Christ, to die is gain!

Early in the morning after my run, looking at my handphone, waiting for update news about Christopher, hope that things goes better, hope that the Lord will be the One who is in control of the whole situation. But to my despair, received a sms, Chris passed away. I was not in tears. My heart stopped for a second, I breath deeply for a short while. My mind was lost in the jungle, I went to bath. As I bath, I was crying inside my heart so loudly that flashback of memories just flow slowly through my mind. Tears of joy or tears of sadness?

On my journey, as I am reading about David’s last words, I was reminded of Chris’s parting words when I visited him weeks ago. “Since I know that I am leaving to join my Father, why do I leave with a painful while I can choose to leave in joy?”

We always said what can one man do? One man can do great and mighty things! When one man is full committed to God, you will see God’s power in and thru his life!

But as for Christopher, when he asked me, “Ron, should I study or should join full time?” I told him straight in the face, “Chris, imagine with me, how many people’ lives can you touch in the four years while you are study, join full time for you know what God wants you to do, just obey.”

The next thing, before I knew it, I received his calling newsletter reminding me of this question that I have asked him as a personal note.

This morning on 17th May 2005, my mind was not blank; my mind is running through all the data I have for Chris. To me, he is not just a fellow worker in Campus Crusade, he is not just a friend who I can share my burden with, he is not just an encourager to me, he is not just a buddy to me and he is not just an example for me to follow. He is more than all the above; he is someone who I respected a lot; he is a brother to me, just like a flesh and blood brother! He is a God-fearing man. He is someone that I can pour my life out to without looking at me differently. He is someone that I love!

He is someone whom You O Lord, love more than all of us could love him. He is someone that You O Lord treasure more than anyone of us. He is someone that You O Lord love him so much and do not want him to suffer anymore, You God Almighty have call him home! You O Lord have allowed him to touch Your people before You said, “Well done, Good and Faithful servant!” He is all about You, God Almighty and not about him.

Where can you find a servant who seeks to honor God in all his doing and always putting God in first priority? Giving the Lord the best, and not short changing God.

O Lord, thank you for allowing me to have tears of JOY.

Brother, I dedicate this song to you. I hope that this song expresses your love for God and when I sing this song, I will always remind of you.

Pour my love to You
I don’t know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can’t begin to tell You what Your love has meant
I’m lost for words, is there a way
To show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think You are
My dearest Friend, Lord, this is my desire
To pour my love to You

Chorus
Like oil upon Your feet Like wine for You to drink
Like water from my heart I pour my love on You
If praise is like perfume I’ll lavish mine on You
Till every drop is gone I’ll pour my love on You